I realized as I tried to type this post that no I was not fully trusting God. I believe this was the song God wanted me to share today but I struggled to find the right words to put in this post. What message was I to share when I had not fully understood the message myself? I had to take time to finish allowing God to speak to me. I realized fear was holding me back. I was afraid I had stepped outside of God's timing on a situation and had messed everything up. That I was either trying to place myself or I had not heard God in that area. I don't know about you but every time fear raises its ugly head I start to doubt that I hear from God. Not only do I doubt I hear from God I fear that His promise of healing will never come to pass in my life.
I took some time as I was struggling with this post to pray. I asked for forgiveness if I had stepped outside of God's timing and to fix any mess I may have made of the situation. I also prayed and declared that God's word is true, even if I do not see a physical healing in my body today I know that God is still willing and able and His word will come to pass in my life. Last I declared that I do hear from God and I do believe He speaks to me. As I prayed, praised, and declared a peace settled over me that I knew was from God. To maintain this peace I may need to make this a daily act for awhile but I know that I will come to a place where the peace will stay, a place where I do not waver in doubt and unbelief, a place where I fully trust God.
God totally knew what He was getting into when He called and chose me. I was no surprise to Him at all. He knows how I will respond to His destinies He has spoken over me, that at first I may declare no way! But over time I will allow Him to soften my heart to His request because I know He only has good plans for me. My original response of no way is just fear raising it's ugly head because while God's plans are good and to give me a hope and a future they are also overwhelming.
Some who have heard my story about starting this blog are shocked that I argued with God. I said no way, no how was I doing this. I had allowed fear to enter. Fear I would have nothing to say and fear that no one would read whatever I posted. It took months for Him to work on me so I would get to a place where I said okay. I even recall I was in church one night when God gave me the name for the blog. Here is my response: "That is a great name God. I'll even right that down but I am not doing it." I even told God no one would read the blog because I wasn't telling anyone. Well guess what! That changed too. I personally like to think that through this whole process God would look down at me, smile, shake His head, and know He was going to have His way in me. I am so glad He did.
Despite all my fears and short comings I know that God still loves me, He has chosen me, He is doing a work in me, and yes He does speak to me. As we develop a more intimate relationship with each other I fall more deeply in love with Him. The voices of fear, doubt, and unbelief are becoming more distant as they are being evicted from my life.
I am thankful for each and everyone of you. I am thankful that God has connected us physically and/or electronically. I am thankful that God continues to speak to me and has given me a sensitivity to what He would have me post. I pray the posts bless you as much as they do me and I pray that you will each fall more deeply in love with God and develop a more intimate relationship with Him. Pursue and chase after Him because you will find Him. As Bill Johnson's brother stated we need to become hopeless romantic soldiers. We need to know the aroma of the one we love and desire that above all else.
Today I have shared the song I Still Believe by Kim Walker Smith. Listen to the words and allow them to change you. Know that darkness cannot stand in the presence of the almighty God. May our faith grow in leaps and bounds as we seek Him.
