Discovering Who You Are

For me the New Year had a rough beginning.  I was strongly attacked in my identity.  Now some of the attack had to do with the fact that I was extremely tired from staying up too late the night before, but that was not the case a few days later when I was attacked with the same negative thoughts.

Personally I am tired of the view around this mountain and am ready for a change of scenery.  If I could will this away I would do it in a heartbeat but there is this word called process and despite what I think it is really not an ugly word!  I am going through the "process" so God can do a work in me.  He is teaching me that my worth and value do not lay with what others thing about me or what is going on around me but my worth and value can only be found in Him.  The process of learning this has involved many tears and I am sure it will involve many more before it is all said and done.  My prayer is that my struggles and what God is showing me will help speed up the process for others so that you can experience quicker freedoms and victories in this area.

No matter what our past is like it can plant the wrong seeds in our life.  Seeds like insecurities, doubts, fears, worry, unbelief, rejection, and feelings of unworthiness.  I am sure there are others but these seem to be the biggest hurdles I deal with personally.  A simple well meaning sentence spoken to me by another can become so twisted within me because of this negative seed that my messed up filter turns this around into they don't want me around, I am not important to them, or, and this seems to hit me the most, my life has no value and purpose and what is the point in living.

I realize even as these thoughts are going through my head that they are all lies every last one of them and these lies do not speak to who I am in God.  But, while I am struggle to eradicate these thoughts and replace them with the right ones they seem so insurmountable.  If others who are reading this have also struggled with suicidal thoughts please know you are important to God and that your life has meaning and a purpose even when we do not see it.  God loves us so much and His thoughts towards us outnumber the grains of sand on every sea shore and every thought He has towards are good. He has chosen each of us before the creation of the world and every one of our days were written in His book before they even happened.  What amazing promises and all from His word!

Twice this year, and it is only day four, I have received Jeremiah 29:11 from different friends.  For I know the plans I have for YOU declares the Lord.  The message bible puts it so well:  I have it all planned out- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Another amazing promise from God's word.  He will never leave us nor forsake us and He has a plan and purpose for every one of us.

So know that no matter what your past has said about you, what lies have spoken over you, you are important to God, your life matters, you have worth and value,  and you were made to bring Him Glory.  As the words of the song that is attached declare, "now I have a purpose, now I have a destiny, you made me for your glory."  Live your life everyday to bring glory to our great and wonderful God.  Don't look at what is going on around you, keep your gaze continually on Him because when you do the storms of life become so small and insignificant. 

To conclude, and it is a long conclusion too!!!  As I was typing this blog the following prayer rose up within me that I want to share:  Father, help the truth of your word penetrate my very being until the truth of your word is all I see.

May this year you begin to step into the fullness of knowing who you are in God.  May the lies be silenced and the truth of God's word becomes all you hear.  His word declares we are greatly loved, His love is beyond compare, He has a great plan and purpose for each of us and that plan may not be front and center for all to see but we are not made to please man, we are made to please God.  At the end of our days He is not going to say well done my good and faithful servant because of who our friends were, how many social media followers we had, or even how popular we were.  No He will say well done my good and faithful servant if we obeyed Him and all His commands.  Did we do what He asked us to do?  Were we the people He asked and created us to be?  All that matters in this life is have we lived a life that is pleasing and acceptable to Him?  Side note if you want to hear this message preached a bit better than what I have written listen to Banning L's message at the Onething IHOP conference on IHOP's website. 

As you listen to the words of this song may it help speak to your true identity and lift the cloud of gloom and despair that may have settled over you.  This song greatly helped me when I was being attacked in my identity the other day and provided me with great hope and a feeling of purpose.

Blessings and love in Christ our wonderful Savior.

I'm Letting Go

I have been walking in a season where I am learning to let go and trust God more.  I wish I could say I am passing every test with flying colors but sorry that is not the case.  I tend to focus on the problem and how I can fix it instead of looking to God and what He says about the situation.  Jenn Johnson puts trust in a great perspective.  She said true trust is always believing that all of God's intentions toward us are always good!  Sounds simple doesn't it?

Because I was not walking in this simple truth I was wearing myself out trying to calm all the storms that were raging in my life.  Recently I cried out to God saying I could not handle it anymore.  Now I am sure He was waiting for that exact moment when I said I cannot do this anymore because He was great to step into the situation and show me His perspective.  The storms that appeared so big to me are so tiny in comparison to Him.  With one step of His foot He can crush the storms because He is towering over them.

I am still walking this truth out but it is so liberating.  When the storms rise at work I sense the frustrations coming on and I look to Him and peace returns.  Recently a situation happened that I allowed the storms to again rise up and the waves to crash against me.  Like Peter I focused on the wave and started to sink as I felt the water closing in on me.  God broke through and began showing me the truth of that situation.  He showed me that well intentioned words spoken to me when they went into my inner man became twisted and spoke against my identity in God.  After the fact God spoke two words to me:  inferiority complex.  Not being sure of the exact meaning of these words I googled it and here is what I discovered.

An inferiority complex is a lack of self-worth, a doubt and uncertainty, and feeling of not measuring up to society's standards.

This definition spoke to my old man and not my new identity in God.  God says He has called me to greatness!  God's plans for me according to Jeremiah 29:11 are for my good and not my harm and to give me a hope and a future. 

So instead of seeing myself as worthless and not measuring up I began reminding myself of who God says that I am and because the well intentioned words attacked God's plan for me I reminded myself of the hope and promise He had given me even if I am only stepping into a small portion of His plans for me.

I am learning, slowly at times, how to let go and just trust God in any and every situation that arises.  I am learning, again slowly at times, how to keep my focus on Him and not on the storms that rage around me.  I am discovering that as I focus on Him my perspective on the storm changes as well and I begin to see it as God does.  But first I need to continually learn to let go of the control and just fall into God. 

I love the new song by Steffany Frizzel Gretzinger called Letting Go.  I believe this has become my theme song for learning to walk in greater levels of trust.  I also love Proverbs 3:5-6.  I have shared two different translations below because I love how both of them bring out different truths of this Godly promise.

One last thing; I also shared a picture from the movie Titanic because every time I listen to any song off of the new Tides album I get this vision in my head but instead of the characters in the movie I am standing at the front of the ship with my arms spread wide experiencing complete abandonment and freedom in God.

May you too learn to let go of control and learn to trust God more.  May we continually fall into Him with complete abandonment and freedom.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct^[a] your paths

Proverbs 3:5-12

The Message (MSG)

^5-12 Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
    Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
    your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
    give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
    your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
    don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
    a father’s delight is behind all this.

 

Through and Through Will Reagan

Today as I was listening to music and working I came across a song by Will Reagan called Through and Through. This song was so worth sharing because it so greatly portrays how our great love relationship with God is supposed to me.  Listen to the song with your eyes closed and just envision your father God's arms wrapped lovingly around you.  I also included the lyrics below.  Blessings.


I find that I'm safe and warm
In your loving arms

I find that I'm safe and warm
In your loving arms

You see me
And You know me
And You love me
Through and through

You see me
And You know me
And You love me
Through and through

You see me
And You know me
And You love me
Through and through

Bryan & Katie Torwalt - I'm a Lover of Your Presence (Live @ JCEncounter...

When God speaks to you, do you ever feel as if the record is stuck in the same place and the same phrase is repeated over and over again?  That is how I have felt lately and it is not a bad thing either.  The one word I continue to hear God speak to me is love.  He speaks words of love to me personally and He speaks words of love about His bride the church.  As I continue to hear His love declarations to me my hearts cry is for others to hear these love declarations as well.  I long for the church to know how great His love is and to learn how to show that love to others.  If we do not receive His great love for us how can we in turn love those around us?

To experience all the greatness of God we must learn to put Him first, to seek Him, and to spend quality time with Him.  We must learn to not allow the distractions of this world to drag our attention and focus away from God.  This weekend Holy Spirit has been showing me how important He truly is.  I have many things to get done in preparation for a business trip I will be going on soon but it paled in comparison to my hunger and desire for more of Him. As I allowed my Mary spirit to take over Holy Spirit and I experienced some sweet, sweet time together.  In all my years of following after God I have never experienced anything as great as this and I am praying it only gets better from here.  Will everything get done that needs to be done?  Yes, but now the stress will not be present because I am so overwhelmed with the presence of God that is all I am aware of.  He has become my focus and I am so undone by how truly wonderful He is.  If our earthly worship of God can be this great and amazing how much more will we experience when we are in heaven face to face with the one we love?  The very thought of it undoes me!  I am sure I cannot even imagine how great it will be. 

Today may you realize that all you really need to is love.  Begin to allow God to pour His love out on you.  Begin to take steps towards Him because as you take small steps towards Him He will begin to take giant steps towards you.  May you truly learn what it means to become a lover of His presence.

Allow me to share the words of a spontaneous worship song from Bethel Church... I don't want to talk about any other lovers, your the only one there will be no others for me now, no others for me now.  May we only know God and God only as our lover.

For Such a Time as This - Mandisa

Recently as I was talking with some other women I noticed a general theme begin to emerge in our conversation.  We were all struggling with our identities, worth and value.  We struggled with negative feelings that drew us away from God and spending time with Him, we struggled with not being overwhelmed by the cares and concerns of this life, and I know I personally struggled with acting like I still had it all together as I was weathering the storms.  Unfortunately thru the years I have developed a bad habit of stuffing my feelings.  I hear Joyce Meyer's voice going through my head as I type this "something buried alive never dies."  Guess this is true because I have buried my negative feelings for so long they are resurrecting themselves in my life when I least expect it.  And those negative feelings know just where to dig to hurt the most, my identity. 

I think women in general struggle to truly understand their importance, I know I do.  Too many times in my short life I know I have felt so unimportant I did not see any reason to continue living, but when I was at my lowest God was always good to be there with me.  He would remind me that He created me for a purpose and that I was important.

Recently I listened to a message by Brian Houston on confidence.  In this message he touched on identity and he declared that we not only had worth and value but we were also qualified.  Now I have never heard anyone declare identity using the word qualify, it made me stop and think.  So many times I have struggled with feeling qualified to do a lot of things but the biggest struggle has been the areas God has called me in.

The more I prayed and mediated on this word the more I began to believe that yes I am qualified. I believe my feelings of being unqualified have come from that fact that what God calls us to do is normally beyond our realm of ability.    Another area that has made me feel unqualified is when I have sought the approval, affirmation, or confirmation of my calling from man.  As with any calling we can get wisdom and advice from man but we need to learn to trust God and follow His ways to glorify Him in the calling that He has placed on us.  Allow Holy Spirit to continually remind you how qualified you are.  God's word declares that we can do ALL things through him because He enables us. 

Psalm 139 is a great example in the Word declaring how important and qualified we are to God.  He knew us before we were ever born and every day of our life is recorded in His book.  He knew our yesterday, He knows our today, and He knows our tomorrow.  How amazing.

Psalm 139:13-16

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹³ You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
¹⁶ You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.

So if God formed us and He knows every day of our life before it has even happened,  why do we always want to change our life?  Personally I know if I could change certain things about my life I would do so in a nanosecond.  I would be taller, more outgoing, have perfect hair, etc.  I may want to be taller, live elsewhere, be more outgoing, and so on and so forth but I know that God has me where He wants me in this specific time and place for His plan and purpose for my life.
 
As I was working on this blog and typing the above God gave me this vision.  Imagine Him looking down at you as you go about your day.   Imagine Him asking you to do something for Him that day and you said no either out of fear or laziness.  You then go about your way doing your own thing and ignore what God has asked you to do.  The picture now changes and God looks down at the page in His book that He had written for you and starts erasing what was there and replacing it with what we did.  Can you see Him saying "crud that did not happen, guess I'll have to erase what I had for them and re-write the day for what they wanted instead."  When the vision first came to me I laughed because it seemed so ridiculous but the more I thought about it the sadder I became.

How many times do we go our own way, do our own thing, and ignore the promptings and guiding's of Holy Spirit?  Imagine if Esther had ignored her uncles warning and had not gone into the king uninvited seeking deliverance for her and her people?  Would God have raised up someone else or would He have allowed His people to be destroyed?  She was very important for that time and for that purpose.

I believe we too are that important for the time and place that God has placed us in.  What has God spoken to you about you?  What plan does He have for you?  I know when you seek Him He is good to start revealing to you His plans.  He will declare that He has prepared you for such as time as this!  Do not get impatient with Him, His timing is perfect.  When man starts to declare over you something different than God just love them and stand firm in who God says you are.  I know personally I am not man's choice.  People look at me and they see a petite timid woman but when God looks at me He sees me as the women He has designed and created me to be.

Today begin declaring to yourself who God says you are.  Beth Moore in her Believing God series has a five point statement that I believe goes well with this. 

1. God is who He says He is
2. God can do what He says He can do
3. I am who God says I am
4. I can do all things in Christ
5. God's word is alive and active in me

Now declare I Believe God!  Because if we do not believe Him and what He is saying we cannot step into the fullness of all He has for us.  We cannot live the good plans He has recorded in His book for us.

I love Mandisa's song from The Story on Esther Born for this, it goes so well with this message that God has laid on my heart.  Enjoy.

 

Beautiful - Remind Me Who I Am

Recently I was shown the video for the new Dove Commercial.  In the commercial a woman enters the room and is asked to describe herself to an artist that never looks at her.  He proceeds to draw the portrait of the woman based off of her description.  Once he is finished she leaves and another individual enters the room.  The second person has meet the woman who just left and they too are asked to describe her to the artist.  He begins a second portrait of the woman based off the second individuals description.  Once complete the two portraits are placed side by side and the woman returns.  When she views the two portraits it is obvious which one is based on how she sees herself and which one is how others see her.  In every case the woman realizes how truly beautiful she is.

Now imagine that you were asked to do the same thing.  You enter the room describe yourself to the artist and a portrait is created.  Now instead of another person coming in after you God enters the room, sits down and starts describing you to the artist.  How truly different would the portraits be?  I am sure the portrait of me that is based off of God's description will differ greatly from the one based off of my description.

It is so much easier for us to see the bad and believe the negative then to see the good and believe the positive.  As I have stated in a previous blog, God created us in His image and when He looks at us He calls us His creation good.  Who are we to call His creation bad?

Instead of seeing your flaws and short comings ask God how He sees you?  Gaze long and hard at that portrait until you see yourself the same way.  Everything may not be perfect and you may even feel overwhelmed at times but know that God has it all covered.  Allow Him to fill you with His peace, joy, and assurance.  Know as well that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  You are beautiful a true master piece!

I have attached the link to the video and below that I have Jason Grays song Remind Me Who I Am.  Daily allow God to remind you who you are to Him.

Blessings.

Love

Have you ever noticed that the enemy loves to attack us when we are most vulnerable and his best area of attack is in our minds?  Most of the enemy's attacks are the same as they have been in the past and in areas where victories have occurred.  So why do we continue to experience attacks in the same area?  I believe that the enemy cannot come up with anything new to attack us with and even though we have experienced victories in these areas it is still a sensitive vulnerable area that has caused us the most hurt and pain.

These attacks seem to occur on a regular basis in my own life.  The enemy knows my weak spots and where I am most vulnerable.  The seed of a wrong thought is planted and immediately doubt and unbelief enter the picture.  The enemy whispers in my ear that this situation will not work out, what you want will never occur, just give up now it is no good, God is not going to do what He said He would do.  I begin to remind the enemy of who God is, what He said He would do, and begin to declare God's word and promises over the situation.  At this point the enemy's voice becomes louder as he tries to force me to look at the problem and how things are in that moment.  He tries to lie to me telling me nothing will ever change for the better. 

He knows my weak and vulnerable spot is with rejection.  While I have experienced freedom and victories in this area it is still where he loves to attack the most.  It is where the wrong thoughts begin to occur as is the case in what happened recently.  I recognized the attack for what it was, an attack from the enemy, and immediately began declaring God's word and promises over the situation.  But has I declared the enemy's voice continued to get louder and louder until he was screaming "it is never going to change, those you want to be in a relationship with do not want to be in a relationship with you."  Finally in desperation I cried out to God declaring I was tired of the trip around this mountain, I was tired of listening to these lies over and over again.  To be honest I was just plain tired of  looking at this mountain and going around it.  Even though the mountain had shrunk and the trip had become shorter it was no longer a trip I wanted to make.

When I am unsure of where to go in God's word to gain victory I begin with my go to verse, 1 Corinthians 13.  Love is the answer for everything.  Have a difficult boss, love is patient love is kind and as one translation declares love is not provoked. Begin to declare these things over yourself and the situation and all of a sudden your boss is no longer a problem.  As I read this chapter words began to jump off the page at me. The first was I was bankrupt without love.  I was going around this mountain because I had a love deficit.  Hello, what a simple solution to the problem.  I just needed a fresh infilling of God's love in me so I could walk in love towards those around me, even the ones I was feeling rejected by.  How simple yet profound. 

How could I walk in love towards anyone, especially those I was feeling rejected by, if I was not full of God's love?  As I began to focus on God and love on God He began to fill me to overflowing with His love.  Did the thoughts go away, not really but the voice that was speaking them became so quiet I no longer heard it.  As I began to focus on God and allow Him to fill me with His love he began to do what only He could do.  He began to turn the situation around.  The ones I had felt rejected by began seeking me out, they began to contact me and I suddenly realized that what I had been declaring was beginning to take place.  God was blessing me with new friendships and relationships.  Because God's love for us is so great He loves to do good things for His children and bless us beyond measure.

In the midst of this attack I received an assignment at church to mediate on 1 Cor 4:20.  For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power.   The Message translation phrases this as an empowered life. When I first read this verse I began asking God how to live an empowered life.  So while God is good to bless He is also good to answer and teach when we ask.  He began to show me after reading 1 Cor 13 that love equals power.  In order to live an empowered life you must learn to love.  Think about it, in the beginning of 1 Cor 13 it states we can do all sorts of great and powerful things but without love it is nothing.  This puts some fear in me because I want to do great and powerful things for God but I want them to be done with His love flowing through me.

I believe Heidi Baker states it the best to live a life of love we must love God and love the one in front of us.  We cannot even begin to live an empowered life without first loving God, because if we do not love Him and receive His love then we have nothing to love others with.  When we love God and allow Him to fill us full of His love then we will have an overabundance of love available to flow through us.  I believe God gave me a great vision to illustrate this.  In my vision I saw myself standing with God standing over me holding a pitcher.   When I was an open vessel He was able to pour His love into me but when I was closed then the love bounced off the closed lid and hit the ground useless.  Be an open vessel so He can fill you full of His love!

Below I have listed 1 Cor 13 from the message bible and the different translations of 1 Cor 4:20.  Below all that is the song The Proof of Your Love.  Praying this blesses and encourages you and makes you realize how great God's love is for you.

1 Corinthians 13

The Message (MSG)

The Way of Love

13 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

² If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.
^3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

^8-10 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

¹¹ When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
¹² We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
¹³ But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

1 Corinthians 4:20

 

NET ©	For the kingdom of God is demonstrated not in idle talk but with power.
NIV ©	For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power.
NASB ©	For the kingdom of God does not consist in words but in power.
NLT ©	For the Kingdom of God is not just fancy talk; it is living by God’s power.
MSG ©	God's Way is not a matter of mere talk; it's an empowered life.
BBE ©	For the kingdom of God is not in word but in power.
NRSV ©	For the kingdom of God depends not on talk but on power.
NKJV ©	For the kingdom of God is not in word but in power.