Personally I am tired of the view around this mountain and am ready for a change of scenery. If I could will this away I would do it in a heartbeat but there is this word called process and despite what I think it is really not an ugly word! I am going through the "process" so God can do a work in me. He is teaching me that my worth and value do not lay with what others thing about me or what is going on around me but my worth and value can only be found in Him. The process of learning this has involved many tears and I am sure it will involve many more before it is all said and done. My prayer is that my struggles and what God is showing me will help speed up the process for others so that you can experience quicker freedoms and victories in this area.
No matter what our past is like it can plant the wrong seeds in our life. Seeds like insecurities, doubts, fears, worry, unbelief, rejection, and feelings of unworthiness. I am sure there are others but these seem to be the biggest hurdles I deal with personally. A simple well meaning sentence spoken to me by another can become so twisted within me because of this negative seed that my messed up filter turns this around into they don't want me around, I am not important to them, or, and this seems to hit me the most, my life has no value and purpose and what is the point in living.
I realize even as these thoughts are going through my head that they are all lies every last one of them and these lies do not speak to who I am in God. But, while I am struggle to eradicate these thoughts and replace them with the right ones they seem so insurmountable. If others who are reading this have also struggled with suicidal thoughts please know you are important to God and that your life has meaning and a purpose even when we do not see it. God loves us so much and His thoughts towards us outnumber the grains of sand on every sea shore and every thought He has towards are good. He has chosen each of us before the creation of the world and every one of our days were written in His book before they even happened. What amazing promises and all from His word!
Twice this year, and it is only day four, I have received Jeremiah 29:11 from different friends. For I know the plans I have for YOU declares the Lord. The message bible puts it so well: I have it all planned out- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Another amazing promise from God's word. He will never leave us nor forsake us and He has a plan and purpose for every one of us.
So know that no matter what your past has said about you, what lies have spoken over you, you are important to God, your life matters, you have worth and value, and you were made to bring Him Glory. As the words of the song that is attached declare, "now I have a purpose, now I have a destiny, you made me for your glory." Live your life everyday to bring glory to our great and wonderful God. Don't look at what is going on around you, keep your gaze continually on Him because when you do the storms of life become so small and insignificant.
To conclude, and it is a long conclusion too!!! As I was typing this blog the following prayer rose up within me that I want to share: Father, help the truth of your word penetrate my very being until the truth of your word is all I see.
May this year you begin to step into the fullness of knowing who you are in God. May the lies be silenced and the truth of God's word becomes all you hear. His word declares we are greatly loved, His love is beyond compare, He has a great plan and purpose for each of us and that plan may not be front and center for all to see but we are not made to please man, we are made to please God. At the end of our days He is not going to say well done my good and faithful servant because of who our friends were, how many social media followers we had, or even how popular we were. No He will say well done my good and faithful servant if we obeyed Him and all His commands. Did we do what He asked us to do? Were we the people He asked and created us to be? All that matters in this life is have we lived a life that is pleasing and acceptable to Him? Side note if you want to hear this message preached a bit better than what I have written listen to Banning L's message at the Onething IHOP conference on IHOP's website.
As you listen to the words of this song may it help speak to your true identity and lift the cloud of gloom and despair that may have settled over you. This song greatly helped me when I was being attacked in my identity the other day and provided me with great hope and a feeling of purpose.
Blessings and love in Christ our wonderful Savior.
